i feel bad right now. i feel
REAL bad. there's people standing in
front of me who shouldn't even BE here.
there are a few people standing over there speaking
and mumbling and i can't understand them.
i dislike most of these people and it's clear
they're not too fond of me, i think
they actually kinda hate me.
the contempt in my mood feels like it's sweating
out of me, stinking
and everyone else can smell it (or maybe they
just smell that i stink, period) and they're
scrunching up their noses and looking at and away from me
and putting their hands over their mouths while they
tell their
friends about the guy over there who stinks
and looks dirty. most people don't think you can notice
something like that but i notice it all the
time. the same way, there's a lot of pretty
girls who are real morons and they think that
if they're real pretty you won't notice. i met this
girl like that the other day, and she was real pretty
but when i talked to her she ended up being
totally stupid. that made me feel pretty bad, too. i don't
see any reason why this line should be taking
so long anyway. it's not like this is a goddamned buffet.
there's soup and there's turkey. get it and get out of
my way, i've been standing here too long. everybody
has noticed me by now, standing here, waiting like a moron
for a bowl of soup and some turkey
i don't like the taste of but i
guess i kinda need it.
everybody here knows i haven't eaten in 2 days, they
think i'm a sponge, some loser who should get a job.
hey, i just had a job, mac, and i STILL need free food. quit
starin' or i'll give ya somethin' to stare at.
heh. my old man used to say that. fiery old bugger.
he'd be pretty disappointed with me, i guess.
they're keeping the line slow on purpose,
so everyone in the place can get a good look
at me, waiting, standing here like a chump.
maybe they're expecting me not to use a napkin, and they
can chuckle to their friends about that too.
i really hate these people
a lot.
tomorrow i'm going to kill myself. someplace no
one ever goes
to. nobody'll know. or maybe tomorrow i'll feel better.
i wish this line would hurry up. i hate standing here.
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