I watched a porno today. Cheap title with a blonde girl in it. She played this college girl who got dumped by her boyfriend. Then, for some reason that I don't remember, because I was not paying an extreme portion of my intellectual focus to the plot, she ended up in this rec room, with about seven guys. They all fucked her hard, standing around jerking off when she had no available holes. She was covered with jissom in about ten minutes, moaning and writhing on the ground. She seemed fascinated with every different cock that appeared in front of her face, swallowing them all as if in a study, learning their distinct contours and bends, details. She looked surprised every time one of the guys decided to take her in the ass. She enjoyed it though. Or at least, if she did not, she fooled me. Also, apparently the movie was produced by her father. I finished jacking off and caught the mess in some rolled up toilet paper. I wiped the end of my penis with the clean side of the paper and threw it in the woven trash basket. I felt nauseous. My testicles ached.
As disgusting as I suppose the whole mess is, I am getting an erection thinking about it. I want her. She was very smooth-skinned; she was beautiful. I want to be the man who finally makes love to her instead of fucking her. But, I guess I have to admit I also just want to fuck her. I want to see her wiggle and watch her breasts flow in waves as I thrust. It turns me on to think about her. But also I am crying a little bit right now, even though I don't know why, and the nausea in my testicles is back. I feel impotent. I imagine how her father spoke to her during the shoots for this movie I saw, manic and encouraging:
"That's right, sweetheart. Now lick it, be playful with him... no, slower. That's right. Take it all in again now, angel. Perfect, baby, like you love it. You're my angel, sweetie. This is perfect. This is hot."
(The man behind her is huffing and grunting. Who's yo` daddy? She insists that her daddy is on the other side of the room yelling at the cameraman.)
Following this in my imagination is a movie, a flash in my mind of their earlier days. I see his wife, her mother... she is wearing an apron and making pancakes for breakfast. Everybody is happy because pancakes are their favorite breakfast; they'd eat them every day if it wasn't such trouble to make them. Her mother's hair is blond and shoulder length and curls up at the ends like on TV. The man gets four full sized pancakes, stacked on top of each other. The top two are slipping down off the stack. He squeezes a huge dollop of syrup on top, and it drips down onto his placemat. She loves the taste of syrup and immediately leans forward, lifting her body off her chair with her arms and resting her torso on the table to get across to her father's place. She puts her face down onto the laminated placemat and licks the syrup all up.
Of course, this is when she becomes ten years older instantly, and she is no longer licking maple syrup but instead humming with forced pleasure at the taste - and I do not imagine it is pleasant - of a muscular man's semen lying in a scattered new age painting of splatterspecks on the hardwood floor of the movie set.
The back of the video box says that she has an impressive body of work. For a moment I think to myself, "She's got an impressive body, all right," and I chuckle at my own humor. Probably I am not the first man watching a porno to think that joke to himself and laugh. I don't think about that very much, though, and just take some pride in my sense of humor. Then I feel a little bit ashamed and my erection lies down quick like a deer that has been shot midstride. I am suddenly very tired, and I sigh and flop back in my chair, my arms flailing to my sides. My right hand, which is holding the video box, knocks a bowl of cereal - almost empty, just milk and a few Honey Nut Cheerios, fat with saturation - all over the floor. Now the carpet soaks up most of the milk but not all of it, and some stays hovering on the surface...
I slump out of the chair onto my face and suck at the stained carpet, praying that she will forgive me.
Back.